His Final Refusal
by jsandoz
Summary: Every time she tried, he refused her with the same words, 'too old, too poor, too dangerous', but she doesn't care. She has never cared. On the night of Dumbledore's death, he refuses her for the last time. RLNT, Tonk's pov


"You see?" I shout at Remus. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!" But it isn't that easy. With Remus it is never that easy. He doesn't meet my eyes.

"It's different." Even in the nearly silent hospital wing, I can barely hear him. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely—"

I snap. "But I don't care either, I don't care!" and at that point I don't care that we're in the middle of a war and everyone is watching as I grab his robes. I only care about the refusal that I see inexorably forming behind his eyes. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told you a million times…" He repeats the words that I have come to hate hearing him say. "Too old, too poor, too dangerous."

Molly, blessed Molly, takes my side as she has done all along, but my resolve is beginning to run out of me like water. I am so tired. "Dumbledore is dead…" he says. I feel the shock again. I need to lie down, to sleep, to get away from him.

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world." Remus and I both stare at her. I am still trying to process the meaning of the words while Hagrid is talking. People are walking out. I think that maybe I should too. Instead, I slide down the wall and close my eyes.

I wake up to someone shaking me. My eyes travel up a scarred wrist to a tattered sleeve and then to tired eyes in a worried face. Remus. I sigh and try to go back to sleep.

"Tonks, you can't sleep on the floor. Come on, lets go." He is lifting and I follow the pull of his hand so that I stand, swaying, on my feet. I trip on the fourth step I take and his arm snakes around my shoulders to keep me steady. I feel a passing bubble of frustration with myself. Here he is touching me voluntarily and I am too exhausted to appreciate it.

We turn a corner and I realize that I have never been in this part of the castle before. "Where're we going?" I mumble.

"Staff quarters. Minerva opened up the spare rooms for everyone to use for now."

I trip into him and have to grab him to stay on my feet. "Mmmm, that's good."

"Tonks, are you ok? Are you sure you didn't get hit with anything?"

That wakes me up a little and I shake myself. "No, I'm fine." Suddenly, I feel like crying. I wish he would leave me alone. I see names of teachers on the doors around us. "I'll be alright now," I say. "You can let me go."

His arm tightens suddenly. "No, I won't let you go."

We stop walking and stand facing each other. Remus looks rather surprised at himself. "I mean," he says in a rougher, quieter voice, "I won't feel alright about it until I see you safely off your feet."

Maybe if I were thinking straight, I wouldn't do this, but I'm not. I raise up on my toes, using my hands on his shoulders to help myself, and kiss him. He immediately goes rigid and lets go of me as if he has been burned. I try to step away from him, the movement and the loss of stability caused by him letting go combine to make me trip over my feet and fall flat on my back.

I look up at him and for a moment I think that I must have hit my head pretty hard because he is a blur of peach and black but then I realize that my face is wet. I try to wipe my face on my sleeve and pretend at the same time that that isn't what I'm doing, but it doesn't work very well because the tears won't stop.

Suddenly his arms are around me and I'm being lifted. I'm on my feet again but I know that this time I won't fall because I am crushed to his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, breath warm and tickling in my ear. "I didn't mean it. You just surprised me."

I pull back to try and see his face and my breath catches at what is there in the instant before he kisses me.

We somehow make it into one of the bedrooms and collapse onto the bed. I curl up on top of him with my head on his chest. His heart pounds in my ear. One of his hands cups my cheek and I shift to look him in the eyes.

"I am tired of fighting you, Nymphadora." He smiles when I make a face at my name. When he says it though, I really don't mind. "More than that though, I am tired of pretending I don't love you."

I stop breathing. Love…there is only one thing I can say. "I love you too, Remus."

***

When I wake up I find that someone has taken my boots off and put the covers over me. Remus. But he isn't there. I throw the cover off and get out of bed. When I try to go to the door, I nearly trip over him. Ever the gentleman, Remus has made himself a bed on the floor. He always looks so tired that I hate to wake him, but this is just foolishness, and part of me thinks that last night must have been a dream.

"Wha—" His eyes slide into focus and he looks ready to jump up and go running off somewhere. I put my hand over his mouth.

"There will be plenty of time for all of that later. Right now, you are going to stay right here and hear me out." I take a deep breath. "Remus John Lupin, I have loved you for nearly two years. You have put me off for most of that." He shifts, wanting to speak, but I shake my head. "You have told me to find someone else, someone better, but there is no one else, and there is nobody better. I want to share the rest of my life with you, have your children and then grow old with you. You can't take back what you said last night, so don't you dare try."

He takes my hand and laces his fingers with mine. "I wouldn't dream of it." He sits up so that our eyes are on the same level. "Nymphadora Tonks, I have loved you silently for over a year. When I hold you I wish that we never had to let go. Will you marry me?" He hesitates for a moment, looking slightly sheepish. "I don't have a ring."

"Of course I will," I say with a laugh of joy.

The look on his face changes from happiness to wonder. He reaches out a hand to stroke my face and then my hair. "Tonks, look…" I turn my face into the cup of his hand and see the few strands of hair he is holding. They're pink. "You're back." I try to show him all of my happiness in just one smile.


End file.
